Inspiration…

Your horoscope – Week of August 30, 2010

You are certainly busy and this phase of heightened activity looks set to continue for some time. You are taking your goals very seriously and plotting your course for the best possible results. You are ready to take it to the limit and discover the genius you naturally are. You love art and design, so it may come as no surprise to learn that you will be delving into this side of life more and more, and having more fun in the process, too!

Abundance

This weekend I’m folding a lot of laundry. And putting it away into full closets and drawers. Our freezers are jammed with food, as is our cabinet. We have a bounty of herbs, tomatoes and soon, a second crop of lettuce. Our children are beautiful and healthy. We have each other. We are resourceful and creative. In short, I see a life of abundance, even though we may be job-poor and cash-poor right now. But focusing in on that abundance, which I have been doing for some time now, is really helping me see the amazing gifts we have been given in our lives, and to cherish those.

Every good athlete envisions her success at winning a medal or finishing first. You have to. We create what we think. So I’m doing the same thing. I am not only focusing in on this abundance which is clearly before me, but also about the future – a future where WE make the rules, and we make the money. It’s important to focus on what we have, not what we don’t need, and for a second time in two years, I’m recalling that financial independence, my money or my life,  is the way to live. Yes, I’d like to shop at my favorite swanky boutique in town, but I don’t need to.

This abundant life is amazing to me, and I’m looking at it with awe. Everything I write down, I do. So I’m writing this down. A thriving business built on marketing – the same plans I do for my clients, I will do for myself. I will sell, I will network, I’m good at it. George will get a great new job he likes. We’ll have our beautiful home, our amazing children and financially we will be as frugal – but as joyous – as ever.

When we have no money we tend to have more fun – taking advantage of free concerts, play activities and bicycles and sailboats we already own. We eat better. We cook more, we spend time at home, and we take care of our home better, too. It’s a good way to live. I want financial independence to buy my children the things that matter – education, opportunity. I want financial independence to buy myself the things that matter – experiences, connections and opportunities. I want to have a little fun, and I want to use my creative talents both at work and outside of it to make other people’s businesses – and their personal lives more successful. I am living a life of abundance!

One of the posts I hate to recycle…

the one where hubby loses his job.

Again.

I’m so tired of this – it’s been a decade, at least, of struggle of one sort or another. I’m tired of not making money when we are both talented people. I’m tired of having to scrape by. I’m just plain tired of it. I have to make changes to this. I want more, better for my kids. I can’t even afford to send my daughter to preschool! It’s just sad.

I find hope in the 23rd psalm “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want..”

We have two beautiful, healthy children. We are healthy. We will pay our bills. We’ll eat. George will get another job. I will build up my businesses. Life will not only go on, we will thrive.

I’m sorry this is the way it is right now. We both seem lost and hopeless in some ways. I just forge ahead, compartmentalize this along with the rest and do what I can right now.

I’m not sure what I wrote last time but I believe it ended with “a baby on the way” and I’m pretty darn sure I’ve got one of those starting to work up a squall in the other room. Blessings.

what we focus on…

…grows

So if we focus on a problem, we see….more problems. If we focus on good outcomes, on ease, on abundance, we get that.

Let’s see – focusing on a new business. Making my own money (and more of it). Doing my creative projects. Volunteering. Spending time with my children. Rebalancing.

So let’s do this one just for fun, shall we?

In the morning of my ‘new upcoming life’, I get up, have decided today we are all going to the library for a special event before day care/preschool/work. Get ourselves all dressed up in appropriately cute clothing (or as my 3yo said this morn, ‘mama are these shoes appopiate?’) (the shoes, they were not). This means mama is probably in something I sewed myself, some dynamo of an outfit that makes me feel capable, productive and stylish.

My children, same. Except maybe it doesn’t match quite the way I would. But that’s OK, to each her own creativity.

Then, we head off to the library/event/whatever. We go to day care/preschool, and mama goes to her office (yes, I still have the office, where other nice companies share the other suites). I help a half dozen clients realize their business goals. I contact four or five who need to and then I write a helpful tip on the blog (or social media). I take fifteen minutes to focus ON my business, not IN it, and I head home early to work on some creative project for the side businesses. Hubby takes the kids home. We do something fun (play in the park, a craft night, game night, language night) and then go to bed. I spend quiet time working on a project and chilling with hubby after everyone’s asleep.

This is a pretty good day. I’m efficient, I make money, I spend time in my value areas of my life and I have balance.

looking back

I spent a few minutes looking back at the posts I wrote just before and just after finding out I was pregnant with Christian, and am amazed this process happened! I mean, what are the odds! It’s really been a joyful experience (colicky, cranky 1 month old, nonwithstanding).  From pregnancy to the babymoon at home with newborn, it’s been such a journey.

I think I’m ready to just be a mama and not be an expectant mama anymore. I’ve finally gotten him quiet and secure in the Ergo (infant insert) and now I’m off to see about that pile of laundry I’ve been slowly poking at for about two hours. We slept in today so I don’t need a nap, but I do need to get some things done. Laundry, for one. Prepping a pattern, for two.

It’s been everything I wanted from the beginning – joyful, full term, happy pregnancy. A beautiful, intense, fast birth with the gentle nurturing of baby following, just like I wanted him to have. Coming home after just a day and a half. Settling in to a quiet routine just the two of us (during the day and at night at least). Now I’m able to get out – and am doing a little bit each day to see friends, schedule appointments and run errands. I’m getting ready to sew again.

Looking ahead? Not quite ready for that today….

Saying good bye to maternity

I am packing up all the maternity things I borrowed. I’m pretty much back into my larger clothes now, and I have enough of my own maternity if needed to suffice for a few more weeks. It’s sad to see it go. I know I won’t do this again. Friends think otherwise, (and truth be told, I have not packed up my own things yet) but I am fairly sure it would be foolish to try. There are many reasons – besides being on the downhill slope to 41 – that we should stick with two kids. College expense. Being outnumbered. The sheer difficulty of having multiple children. Labor and delivery.

sprucing up

I am going to work on some small projects – fixing our comforter and making some matching shams, pillows for outdoor chairs (maybe even slipcovers, too), napkins, digging out some things we already have like candles and other outdoor decor. It’s time to use up the things I have and be creative with the stuff I already own.

Along with that, relishing my last weeks of full time maternity leave (part time leave is still going thru September at least).

Work life

Here’s how I envision my new work life: I’ll be back semi-solo again. That’s OK. I plan to use more technology and start using changes as a profit center. This is both an estimating communication item and a technology item (online time tracking for all staff.) I intend to take the work I can handle – even if it’s not entirely full time. I’ll devote 20% to marketing and selling. I’ll get involved in the groups that matter for my business. I’ll run the incubator, providing us with income and continuing to advance our commitment to entrepreneurs.

I’ll bolster my education monthly with webinars, seminars and books. I’ll ramp up some speaking engagements in the 2nd half of 2011. I’m going to make more money. A lot more money. In fact, if I’m not making money, I’m slowing down my work life – it’ll be working to make money or not working to be with my kids.

I work to fund their educations, a nice vacation or two each year, a few extras for myself, and to save money for our retirement and financial future.

I see myself succeeding, still probably at the office until we fill that space, with three entrepreneur firms sharing our office. I see my business thriving, and providing me with the means to accomplish my goals. I see myself being active in the business community, learning and growing. I visualize successfully transitioning back to working motherhood, with an emphasis on motherhood. Taking time for my children is priority. Volunteering and being involved is important. Surrounding myself with people who accelerate my life and for whom I can provide acceleration to, and provide inspiration are critical.

New motherhood

I’m doing a much better job this time of just sitting and marveling at this new life we’ve created. That I nurtured, and gave birth to just a little over a week ago. It seems I could sit for hours in the rocker, in front of the window, just holding and nursing our baby. This is good. I have no agenda. I get one thing done a day (today it was the peri herbs and the dishes and cleaning out a bag full of stuff from work.) I daydream. I plan, I think. But mostly I look at you, my son, and marvel at the miracle of new life.

You’re a good sleeper too, what a good boy! Mama is very happy about this. Yes, you cluster feed twice a day, and no, I don’t mind it at all. I know what to expect and this time has been blissful.

and we welcome our son….

Sunday’s post was prophetic. Sunday evening at 10pm, I was working through one of the weekend’s contractions (not too hard but needing to concentrate) on E’s bedroom floor, hands & knees when I felt a big POP and a very strong contraction. So strong I was sure I would not be able to crawl out of her room to the office where G. was watching the Canadian Grand Prix on the computer. I called for him twice and then felt my amniotic fluid leaking.

Contractions started right up about 3 minutes apart, and G. got E. over to the neighbors in time to load the car. I labored downstairs, over a beach towel, and he loaded me in the well-toweled back seat of the Subaru.

They continued about 3 minutes apart til we got to the hospital. Then, in OB triage, when the nurses were asking me for my ID and to sign stuff (my purse was, alas, at home), I was on my hands & knees in the door way and G. was saying “we don’t have time for all this”. They got me into a triage room, the resident checked and said “she’s complete!” and all of sudden, there was this flurry of people and activity: “She’s complete!” They wheeled me down right in the bed, asking “are you feeling pushy?” and I was not at that moment.

But soon, a few contractions later, I was. I struggled to get in the right position, which seemed to be hands & knees but up, on the back of the lifted bed. I tried turning around to the standard classic push position, but G. could see, and I could feel this wasn’t working. The resident asked me to lay on my back (!!) but we knew better. So G. got me back facing the back of the bed. I was, as usual, howling, not pushing, but once I got the hang of the contraction (wait until it starts to peak THEN start pushing) it went smoother. I could FEEL his body moving down in me. Then, the pain just got intense, wouldn’t let up even in between contractions (which were a not-very-comfortable two and a half minutes apart). It was so, so hard. I was crying “why won’t he come out? what’s wrong?” But soon, I could feel his head crowning (let’s not discuss the messy, except to say labor is messy, and the staff knows how to handle it). And then, last push, very painful but I knew he was coming out. A pop, a slip and he was out!

They were great – they got me turned over and the bedding cleaned up a bit and laid him on my chest, let him nurse while still connected to the cord. Eventually the cord stopped pulsing and they let me cut it. My son! You’re on your own now (sorta!)

We got everything we wanted – two hours of bonding and nursing, weighing and measuring and such at the end. All his baby care in the room, not the nursery. It was delightful!

Both OBs stopped by, cheered for me having birthed without anesthesia, commended me on a good birthing position (Drs. both said that most of their natural patients birth in that position).

It was, amazing. Intense, fast, incredibly painful, but amazing. And now, looking a lot like E. as a newborn, is sleeping in a bouncy seat next to me. My son. Our son. We did it!

Christian Robert Siegle

7lbs 12 oz. 11:57pm 6/13/10

We did it, my boy, 39 weeks exactly, a beautiful pregnancy that you gave to me. It was my gift to nurture you and I am sad it’s over, but I’m ready to move on, and YOU are the prize. I don’t think anyone but a mother or father can understand a parent’s love. I am blown away how I can love TWO children this much.