in another life
This isn’t a WWYLLLI post, but I’ll post it under that category anyway, since it fits. It’s really a longing for something I don’t have and maybe did want.
Today I’m sitting on the big exercise ball bouncing my six week old son (wrapped up in a carrier on my chest) and looking at a sewing pattern. In the instructions for this cap-sleeved, A-line nursing dress or tunic, I’m reading “includes a special section for alterations for use in pregnancy” and I have a longing moment for more children that is almost palpable. I can’t tell my husband this. Truly that time is over. I’ll be 41 in two months. We have a 4 bedroom house that’s full (especially if I work from home). But I think of another life – in which I chose to have children – and was able to – at, say 30, and had, say 3 or 4 children (!) The life of a crafty, fashionista, stay-at-home-and-homeschool mother. Maybe part time designer (yes, probably), definitely craftista business owner. Having more children. I know, I know, I can barely care for myself right now, let alone a third or fourth child.
And I should not be thinking this at all. That’s why it’s here, to just get the thoughts out there, to just express them so they don’t haunt me. Yes, I was warned, by friends, by my grandmother Aimee (my grandmother Ann said “never have children, they’ll make you miserable”), by my cousins. But, you know I have made my own choices and have been glad of them.
There are lots of reasons why this doesn’t work – for instance, travel to Europe would probably be out. The bike trip across France would be out. Montessori, scratch that. Heck, even affording college (and retirement) would be challenging. And I do love to work. I love my clients.
So how do I carve out sort of this life right now. First off, I can’t work full time again. Not right now. This has slowly been the dynamic that’s been changing in my life. God said, okay, I’ll give you another child. And then he said, okay, I’ll make it easy, your partners want to leave the business. I’ll give you a sucky year that you’ll reconsider your work life. And then he is saying “okay, now it’s time, I’ve shown you this path, it’s time for you to take heed of these things I’m sending and do them”. So I take this morning’s feelings, the strong, overpowering feelings that my life must change and I must try to do them in some form or another.
I need to start articulating what that looks like so I may manifest it in my life. But it’s still fuzzy around the edges a bit, and I have to work on that vision a bit more.
Filed under The Nursing Fashionista, wwyllli | Comment (0)The Nursing Fashionista
I admit, when I started nursing my baby, I bought a lot of new clothes. Mainly because I wanted to nurse easily. A friend had given me a Motherwear catalog when I was pregnant. Along with some advice. I took both. But unlike my friend, who favors clean basics and no accessories, I wanted to step it up a notch. So I’m taking the time to write a few posts about being a stylish nursing mother. I’ll cross post them to my style/sewing blog too.
At the moment, I’m a nursing mother of a toddler who is 21 months old. She nurses almost every two hours or so – crazy, yes – and she’s taken to sticking her hands down my shirt if I am not fast enough in getting her nursies when she makes the sign for them.
But the problem isn’t that – it’s that she’s 21 months old and the world isn’t as up on the benefits of extended nursing. So while we’re home on long holiday weekends, I’m indulging her fancies, but I know when we get back out into public again, it is not quite as accepted.
Today’s nursing fashionista post is about a way to extend your wardrobe. I own about four nursing tank tops which I think are incredibly versatile. I am wearing one under a gray rib knit cardigan, with a matching gray/gold/black scarf (my neck gets cold) and a pair of silver and gold dangly earrings. I have on slim black corduroys and if I were venturing out, my furry lace up winter boots.
Fortunately the scarf is a distraction while nursing, because the earrings are tempting. She’s been pretty good about leaving them alone lately, though.
Now, we’ll get more into why I dress so nicely (it’s comfortable) at home, with no plans to go outdoors at all. Frankly, I think sweatpants are for when you have the flu, or are, well, exercising. I do wear yoga pants as ‘after dinner, after bath loungewear’ but that’s as far as I go with them. I do wear them to yoga, of course.
If I look nice, I feel nice. Does anyone care that I have on jewelry? no, but I do. And it’s just as comfy as sweats, only a lot nicer looking. I could answer the door to one of my neighbors if I needed to. I can crawl around on the floor and play horsie, I can roll on the bed and play ‘bounce’, and I can still answer the door and look decent. Okay, the shearling slippers, maybe not. But they ARE warm! (and FWIW, I think Uggs are for the house…)
Filed under Everyday Life, The Nursing Fashionista | Comment (0)