You are certainly busy and this phase of heightened activity looks set to continue for some time. You are taking your goals very seriously and plotting your course for the best possible results. You are ready to take it to the limit and discover the genius you naturally are. You love art and design, so it may come as no surprise to learn that you will be delving into this side of life more and more, and having more fun in the process, too!

Every good athlete envisions her success at winning a medal or finishing first. You have to. We create what we think. So I’m doing the same thing. I am not only focusing in on this abundance which is clearly before me, but also about the future – a future where WE make the rules, and we make the money. It’s important to focus on what we have, not what we don’t need, and for a second time in two years, I’m recalling that financial independence, my money or my life,  is the way to live. Yes, I’d like to shop at my favorite swanky boutique in town, but I don’t need to.

This abundant life is amazing to me, and I’m looking at it with awe. Everything I write down, I do. So I’m writing this down. A thriving business built on marketing – the same plans I do for my clients, I will do for myself. I will sell, I will network, I’m good at it. George will get a great new job he likes. We’ll have our beautiful home, our amazing children and financially we will be as frugal – but as joyous – as ever.

When we have no money we tend to have more fun – taking advantage of free concerts, play activities and bicycles and sailboats we already own. We eat better. We cook more, we spend time at home, and we take care of our home better, too. It’s a good way to live. I want financial independence to buy my children the things that matter – education, opportunity. I want financial independence to buy myself the things that matter – experiences, connections and opportunities. I want to have a little fun, and I want to use my creative talents both at work and outside of it to make other people’s businesses – and their personal lives more successful. I am living a life of abundance!

Again.

I’m so tired of this – it’s been a decade, at least, of struggle of one sort or another. I’m tired of not making money when we are both talented people. I’m tired of having to scrape by. I’m just plain tired of it. I have to make changes to this. I want more, better for my kids. I can’t even afford to send my daughter to preschool! It’s just sad.

I find hope in the 23rd psalm “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want..”

We have two beautiful, healthy children. We are healthy. We will pay our bills. We’ll eat. George will get another job. I will build up my businesses. Life will not only go on, we will thrive.

I’m sorry this is the way it is right now. We both seem lost and hopeless in some ways. I just forge ahead, compartmentalize this along with the rest and do what I can right now.

I’m not sure what I wrote last time but I believe it ended with “a baby on the way” and I’m pretty darn sure I’ve got one of those starting to work up a squall in the other room. Blessings.

So if we focus on a problem, we see….more problems. If we focus on good outcomes, on ease, on abundance, we get that.

Let’s see – focusing on a new business. Making my own money (and more of it). Doing my creative projects. Volunteering. Spending time with my children. Rebalancing.

So let’s do this one just for fun, shall we?

In the morning of my ‘new upcoming life’, I get up, have decided today we are all going to the library for a special event before day care/preschool/work. Get ourselves all dressed up in appropriately cute clothing (or as my 3yo said this morn, ‘mama are these shoes appopiate?’) (the shoes, they were not). This means mama is probably in something I sewed myself, some dynamo of an outfit that makes me feel capable, productive and stylish.

My children, same. Except maybe it doesn’t match quite the way I would. But that’s OK, to each her own creativity.

Then, we head off to the library/event/whatever. We go to day care/preschool, and mama goes to her office (yes, I still have the office, where other nice companies share the other suites). I help a half dozen clients realize their business goals. I contact four or five who need to and then I write a helpful tip on the blog (or social media). I take fifteen minutes to focus ON my business, not IN it, and I head home early to work on some creative project for the side businesses. Hubby takes the kids home. We do something fun (play in the park, a craft night, game night, language night) and then go to bed. I spend quiet time working on a project and chilling with hubby after everyone’s asleep.

This is a pretty good day. I’m efficient, I make money, I spend time in my value areas of my life and I have balance.

Today I’m sitting on the big exercise ball bouncing my six week old son (wrapped up in a carrier on my chest) and looking at a sewing pattern. In the instructions for this cap-sleeved, A-line nursing dress or tunic, I’m reading “includes a special section for alterations for use in pregnancy” and I have a longing moment for more children that is almost palpable. I can’t tell my husband this. Truly that time is over. I’ll be 41 in two months. We have a 4 bedroom house that’s full (especially if I work from home). But I think of another life – in which I chose to have children – and was able to – at, say 30, and had, say 3 or 4 children (!) The life of a crafty, fashionista, stay-at-home-and-homeschool mother. Maybe part time designer (yes, probably), definitely craftista business owner. Having more children. I know, I know, I can barely care for myself right now, let alone a third or fourth child.

And I should not be thinking this at all. That’s why it’s here, to just get the thoughts out there, to just express them so they don’t haunt me. Yes, I was warned, by friends, by my grandmother Aimee (my grandmother Ann said “never have children, they’ll make you miserable”), by my cousins. But, you know I have made my own choices and have been glad of them.

There are lots of reasons why this doesn’t work – for instance, travel to Europe would probably be out. The bike trip across France would be out. Montessori, scratch that. Heck, even affording college (and retirement) would be challenging. And I do love to work. I love my clients.

So how do I carve out sort of this life right now. First off, I can’t work full time again. Not right now. This has slowly been the dynamic that’s been changing in my life. God said, okay, I’ll give you another child. And then he said, okay, I’ll make it easy, your partners want to leave the business. I’ll give you a sucky year that you’ll reconsider your work life. And then he is saying “okay, now it’s time, I’ve shown you this path, it’s time for you to take heed of these things I’m sending and do them”. So I take this morning’s feelings, the strong, overpowering feelings that my life must change and I must try to do them in some form or another.

I need to start articulating what that looks like so I may manifest it in my life. But it’s still fuzzy around the edges a bit, and I have to work on that vision a bit more.

I think I’m ready to just be a mama and not be an expectant mama anymore. I’ve finally gotten him quiet and secure in the Ergo (infant insert) and now I’m off to see about that pile of laundry I’ve been slowly poking at for about two hours. We slept in today so I don’t need a nap, but I do need to get some things done. Laundry, for one. Prepping a pattern, for two.

It’s been everything I wanted from the beginning – joyful, full term, happy pregnancy. A beautiful, intense, fast birth with the gentle nurturing of baby following, just like I wanted him to have. Coming home after just a day and a half. Settling in to a quiet routine just the two of us (during the day and at night at least). Now I’m able to get out – and am doing a little bit each day to see friends, schedule appointments and run errands. I’m getting ready to sew again.

Looking ahead? Not quite ready for that today….

Along with that, relishing my last weeks of full time maternity leave (part time leave is still going thru September at least).

I’ll bolster my education monthly with webinars, seminars and books. I’ll ramp up some speaking engagements in the 2nd half of 2011. I’m going to make more money. A lot more money. In fact, if I’m not making money, I’m slowing down my work life – it’ll be working to make money or not working to be with my kids.

I work to fund their educations, a nice vacation or two each year, a few extras for myself, and to save money for our retirement and financial future.

I see myself succeeding, still probably at the office until we fill that space, with three entrepreneur firms sharing our office. I see my business thriving, and providing me with the means to accomplish my goals. I see myself being active in the business community, learning and growing. I visualize successfully transitioning back to working motherhood, with an emphasis on motherhood. Taking time for my children is priority. Volunteering and being involved is important. Surrounding myself with people who accelerate my life and for whom I can provide acceleration to, and provide inspiration are critical.

You’re a good sleeper too, what a good boy! Mama is very happy about this. Yes, you cluster feed twice a day, and no, I don’t mind it at all. I know what to expect and this time has been blissful.