I fell off the wagon.
I ordered travel pants from STP. And shoes. But I needed those…
We are headed to france for 13 days, oct 17 – 30. A week in Paris, less than a week in Provence (probably Avingnon). Very excited. But also a bit worried about long distance travel with a baby.
I’m all hooked up for my milking session (yeah hands free!) and as I look at the gorgeous photos of my baby on my web site I still have to pinch myself that it’s real. I’m her mama.
It’s been a rocky road with bottle feeding, and every time she does take one it’s a big achievement. I own every nipple and bottle type there is. but I’m persistent. I am not quitting. We will make this work.
I got my IUD today. I felt a bit sad. But it can be taken out should I decide that I want to do this again. As I talked with Dr. V. she said “you look fabulous” and I said “prepregnancy weight” – all thanks to nursing. And we briefly joked about Gonal F and I said “I don’t want to do that again” so that probably means I don’t want to have another. But seeing a pregnant mom in the hall on my way up, and the little tape measures in the exam room had me wistful for my pregnancy. Oh I’ve forgotten the months of insomnia, the worry, the driving. but they were real, all of it, and it would be that way again.
For now, it’s just E. and I’m back to skinny hot mama.
Last night was wicked. i couldn’t sleep for hours. Even cuddling with E. finally, about four am and listening to the rain, I couldn’t drift off. Everything on my mind and then nothing. I did resolve that I need to get back to a daily yoga practice, even 30 minutes a day of my video.
but you know, life is fine. E. is alive and thriving. I look marvelous and I am happy.
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)chinese curse
May you live in interesting times
Hubby’s boss resigned, and he think this may not be positive for his career. Great. The first job with good benefits since we’ve been married, with a decent (okay underpaid but he has a 4 mile commute! by bike!) pay and stable future. Where else does he go? Honestly there just isn’t a lot of stuff here. And I really want at least 10 years more to my career (I’m not continuing if I move a long way away).
On the flipside, I miss my daughter. But I don’ t want to stay home with her full time either. All of this reminds me that life is uncertain, and what I did do over lunch (except for the brief burst over the torn up trash bag on the front porch) was put everything aside as we do in yoga. And it WORKED. So, a half hour of yoga per day? When E. is wiggling on her blanket?
And as I look in the mirror, I realize I have crow’s feet and gray hair. It’s hard not to notice just how things have changed, especially next to my baby’s perfect skin. I laughed that they used the soft filter on us in the photos with me. Yeah. But I’m reasonably happy with how I look. I’m back to my prepreg weight, and in my prepreg clothes. Just a little chunk around the waist, which is going away.
So, what do I do? Well I cannot change hubby’s work situation. I can say that it’s not my thing to worry about. I can put it aside. What will happen will happen. I can look into an eye cream, a hair cut and some color. I can do pelvic tilts for my waistline. i can do yoga every day. See? I’m in control, of what I can be.
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)soooo happeee!
I swear I’m on cloud 9. I am so freakin’ happy. E. is a beautiful, positively gorgeous baby. Never mind that she was WIDE AWAKE at 4:30 this AM, for an hour, she’s perfect. I went bead shopping at lunch with her today. We bought a few things. I’ll mix ‘em in with other things I already have.
But seriously, as I walked I counted my blessings. Gorgeous hot summer evening, a faithful dog, beautiful baby, supportive loving husband, nice jewelry (not expensive, but fun, from a rummage sale), health, and a comfortable home. Purposeful work, a sense of creativity and joy in my hobbies. I thought a lot about the mothers in Darfur, in the refugee camps, the mothers in iraq, and palestine. They love their babies as much as I love mine and their lives are so much harder. War is at their doorstep. Me? I buy beads at lunch in an arty store in a pleasant section of town where I work. This, truly, is paradise.
E. is talking up a blue streak, rolling around on the blanket my aunt M. made for her. I’m so deleriously happy right now. Watching her. I wish I could bottle up this feeling and take it with me. i wish I had it three years ago. But I think because I didn’t have it three years ago, that’s why I do now. So much has come and gone – friends, clients, projects, babies.
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)Sling shopping
I popped E. in the sling and went to home depot and meijer. She fell asleep in Meijer. As I was walking through produce, there was another new mom with a smaller baby in arms, carseat empty. I had my hands free pushing our cart with E. snoozing and the hands full mom looked envious.
So I’m making the floral linen one. And my gorgeous bundle of fabrics from Toronto arrived. I was like a kid when the ice cream truck jingles down the road. I practically flew out the screen door when the mailman stopped by at lunch. So, many fabrics to sew, now I just need a week or so to figure out how to do the work and mothering thing, and find time to sew.
Hubby is almost done with my gorgeous sewing workstation. Think of all the halloween costumes, sundresses and jumpers I’ll sew there. How many applique patches on bluejean knees, and maybe eventually miniskirts, homecoming and prom dresses. Prom dresses! She’s still in a sleeper gown with lapped necklines and wailing.
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)two blogs
I’m posting sewing on Sewparadise, and other stuff, here. This blog delves too creepily into my depression-filled past. I want it, but not publically.
I just cannot believe how happy I am. I mean, I am tired, stressed going back to work full time, but so ridiculously happy with E. that I almost cannot believe the other shoe isn’t going to drop.
G. is almost done with my very, very cool sewing workstation. And I’m so happy to be sewing again. It’s as if I’ve been set free. That’s just the way I feel.
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