Dear God:
thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou…for my baby E.
Did I say thank you?
A friend who has a 6 yo daughter, IVF, said “most loved little girl in the world” unabashedly, pointing at his daughter (mine across the table from his). Men are so like this. Now, more than a year ago (almost two) I said same to a girlfriend and she promptly went ballistic, and now we both tiptoe around our professional circles’ overlaps, careful to avoid one another. But my guy friend? no shame, and no upset either. I get it. I pointed to mine and said “second-most-loved little girl in the world” and we laughed.
Today I got five big whopping ounces (or more, the entire Medela bottle was filled, I was almost set to overflow) so either the tea worked, or babe slept more last night than I thought she did!
Time to sign off, work calls, and part of my new goals are:
1) personal stuff only on pumping breaks
2) fruits & veggies
3) exercise daily with doggie, and yoga on weekends
4) situps daily
5) channel my Inner French Girl (see my sewing blog)
6) Sew
7) be grateful for my bountiful life every day!
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)You have an impact
A friend on SR is fighting cancer. she has fought as long as I’ve ‘known’ her online. But this time it’s bad, and she sounds like she’s planning for the worst. I can do something – I already do something. Over the last five years, we’ve raised almost $90,000. Ninety grand! And we’ve touched hundreds, maybe thousands of people with our message and our event.
Part of this post started with an article (and envy, why?) of some ex friends and colleagues who are members of the ‘10 leaders in 10 years’ young-leader’s recognition. Members of a group for the under 35 set (I’m not even close any more). But then I realized that beyond recognition, I have been doing many, many great things. I’ve been sidelined for a little while with the pregnancy and baby, but I’m back.
And I feel better than ever – more powerful, stronger, more confident – than I ever have. So, how can I help my friend? I can wear my bracelet. I can buy things from her online business, I can advocate for more cancer research. And I can pray.
But I also need to learn to let these feelings of envy and jealousy (and spite) go away. I need to pray that I can leave this behind. It’s bothering me more now than it has in a long time. Why? I usually look to this as a learning experience – what am I doing in my life (or not) that I should be?
I’m reaching out, getting involved, as much as I can without sacrificing the best of myself for my daughter and family. And I feel like I’m not having as big of an impact, when I am. I need to start advocating more and being selfish less. Give more. My life is rich, it’s time to help others.
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)I pledge to consume less
I put away my summer clothes and took out my winter ones. As I did so, I noted several things: I have mostly basics: turtlenecks, cardigans, blouses. But new this year I put my knits in drawers by color (which has worked so well for my closet for the past 10 years). Why it took me that long to do that in my drawers is beyond me. Yes, it means turtlenecks are next to cardigans but that’s OK.
I also pledge to consume less. I have a ton of nice things – from sweaters to shoes to pants. I do need to sew some new pants in smaller sizes, though. But I did find a couple pairs that will work. And I bought a pair of skinny jeans.
Today, a really nice outfit – my long beige sweatercoat with pale blue blanket stitching. a pale blue crisscross nursing top, a turquoise and silver pendant necklace. Wide leg trouser jeans, leopard print ballet flats. Chic, understated and good for a Monday.
I also pledge to wear everything I have in my closet. If it’s not worn this winter (my skinniest yet) it goes in the spring. I pledge to find new combinations of accessories to create new fun outfits. I pledge to not wear the same tried n’ true items (unless they are pants) the same week.
I can embrace what I have: great trousers, turtlenecks, ponchos and wraps. Blouses under jackets, with belts, jewelry. Get out a few handbags to mix up things. Sew a clutch or two for organizing the diaper bag.
And sew. I made another great nursing top over the weekend – and on a solo weekend with baby and dog!
The consume less also includes patterns. I have so many great things to sew. Don’t buy any more – design my own or sew what I have. And fabric, but I’ve been doing a great job on that so far. It’s my most prolific year ever, and I feel FREE and enthused about doing it too.
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)the candy monster
Following lunch I made a beeline to the drugstore to stock up on candy. Yes, I do dip into the company candy jar, so I should replenish. But in the process I also bought (and consumed half) a bag of gumdrops. Then, when stocking said candy jars, I grabbed some of those. Not in a leisurly “I’ll have a piece of chocolate with that coffee” sort of way, but in a ravenous “I’ve been starved for weeks” way. Secretly stashing it away. And now I feel like total crap. Of course. What I’m ignoring is my blood sugar. I never test. I have never tested. when they told me I looked like a normal person, not a managed diabetic, I said that’s it, back to the regular foods. but this candy thing, which never really existed before I got pregnant, is insatiable.
I pretend to buy it to stuff client coffee mugs. I don’t. And what does that do to my body? It surely pushes me over the limits of my sugar boundaries, depleting my insulin levels as they rocket to control the sugars. It’s not good for the baby.
I’m not worried about my waistline – having lost nearly 50 lbs (that’s 18 lbs less than my prepreg weight, I’m closing in on 110, weight I haven’t seen since at least 1992). In fact that may be what’s fueling this drive – I’m underfed! Not eating well not having the right sort of at work snack is what may be driving this.
So, it’s high fructose breastmilk for the baby today. Sigh. get a grip on this, sistah, or it will be the death of you.
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)France… c’est magnifique!
I will put the posts I wrote in france up on the blog in a day or so. It’s a week since we’ve been back and a crazy one at that. But the things I said I would change, I am. Today is my half-day Wednesday and I’m very geeked. I also bought a pair of ballerina flats in a dark plum, quilted leather. mmmm. just like I saw in Paris.
I’m so geeked about having the afternoon to spend with E. I made dinner ahead, last night, in the crock pot, so it should be ready tonight to eat. I have LLL tonight as well, good to see the girls with their babies. Hopefully E’s sniffle is not a problem (I will not go if she seems sick).
Saturday we get a new stove, so my day (besides a clean kitchen) is also going to be at-home. Yoga, sewing, baby play, dog walk to the new dog park. Sunday, mass. It’s lovely to look forward to time off. At work, we have Big New Project and I’m excited, but that’s about it. Otherwise, I’m kinda ho hum. I need to infuse my work with some energy. but like in the past, i think that also has to come from other sources – other areas of my life need to spark up before this can. It all spills over.
I’m milking right now, as I typically do. So far, the best production is when I read about breastfeeding or look at baby pics.
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