thought diversion
For sale: two gently-used maternity suits, and two blouses. Very stylish, worn a dozen times by high-risk bedrest mama who loved being pregnant.
I picked up the last of my unsold maternity wear and am considering styling them up on the (preggo for a day) dress form and selling on ebay. Or, just hanging them in the closet for baby #2. Do I dare? I thought about this a LOT. I think of it all the time. I always say if it were easy – you know, do the deed, have an uneventful pregnancy, I’d do it again, no questions asked. And, in reality that’s my heart’s desire so I tell myself that’s what I should do. But that’s not really true. My heart’s desire is not reality. The risks are very high. I had nothing to lose with E. Now, I have a lot to lose. I’d have to wean E. And I read a very interesting post at the LLL web site. A mom posted “are you sure you want to stop the present joy for a future hope that may not come?” Indeed. That about sums it up.
Another miscarriage, a stillbirth – big risks. The knowns are not even great – lots of needles, a cerclage, some bed rest, lots of worry. Chicago every week for six months or perhaps more, since my NK’s are more virulent now.
So I bought a leather jacket (blazer style, very fitted, very small) on clearance. THIS is the hot mama body I have now. Oh, but picking up that maternity wear was so seductively tempting.
Why all of this? Former Friend had her baby a week ago, Biz partner’s latest grandbaby was born over the weekend. SIL is due in April, cousin’s baby shower was last weekend. It’s a veritable baby-fest over here. And mine is crawling, cruising and getting bigger by the minute.
What I have been doing, as I spend inordinate amounts of time mulling over previous poor experiences (why?) is using thought diversion. I am now using the principles of inviting joy into my life – by thinking of the positive things I can do. So, whenever a past memory comes to haunt, I’ll think instead of designing a new handbag, or launching the business as I should be doing. This will harmonize my inner desires. I wish to be successful. I will imagine success. I downloaded a marketing planning calendar the other day and realized that is how I’m stepping up my game (a week ago I was foggy on what I should do – but there it was, presented itself to me and once I did it, it clicked into place).
I’m stepping up my game, I should not be stepping off yet.
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)skiing!
This weekend, the baby and I head to Grandma’s house – where cross country skiing in her new sled is on tap for us. Only gentle slopes, maybe the ultra flat Eagle Run trails instead. Or just the green trails at Corsair (no hills). I’m sure some shopping will be on tap – possibly secondhand. But maybe I’ll stay outta the stores to get something in the Keys for the baby.
But it’s something I long wished for when she was just a dream. Now she’s a big almost ten-month-old (cannot believe it – yet she still seems very baby).
She is snoozing in the pack, I’m not yet brave enough to put her down in bed yet. We had to get the crib – she was dangling, head-first off the bed the other night, we heard a tiny noise, no cry or movement and G. caught her. I saw her paralyzed, lying on the floor. I’m sure that wouldn’t have happened. But you know how it is. Someone is watching over her.
I promised her I’d never leave her and that means never, ever. I can’t imagine how it must have been, for my mother, to leave both her babies. My brother was younger than E. by a few weeks when she died. I don’t even want to leave the baby for more than four hours at a time! (of course, neither did she).
So, watch over us, okay?
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)brrrr.
It’s fiercely cold here, wind chill warning cold. But we went to a working mom’s group anyway. Eyrin is the youngest there (small crowd of moms, the kids outnumbered us 2-1). But it was nice. I had forgotten the baby carrier so I did no shopping on the way home. I just finished printing E.’s patterns for her florida outfits. I’m going to go see about some lunch and check on the wash. She’s snoozing in the pack, been there for at least an hour now. It’s so wonderful, having her. She’s such my little miracle. I can’t believe it. I am so lucky to have found our doctor, gotten excellent care, been strong enough to get through it all.
What I’m loving now is the fact that I’m back to real life. This past year has flown by, and I’ve had so much fun being a mama. Sewing, working, vacationing, shopping, playing. Playing!
But along with that i decided we need to read more – and go to the library. I also want to keep going to mom’s groups for learning more about play activities.
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)And I whine about the cold pump parts!
It’s true – the air force captain who pumps milk for her son does indeed send it home, frozen, to her family. And I get to sit here in my cushy office chair, read e-mail or surf the web while pumping. My baby is just ten minutes away, and I see her at lunch. Yeah, I’m lucky.
So today I just realized that one of my design competitors just hired a print sales rep to sell for them (she’s probably a partner, a longtime friend of the design firm owner). I like this person, but I feel I must step up my game now. Really step it up. So I’m considering signing up for a mentoring program to kick my tail in gear. Or at least buy the ‘activity calendar’ version (what a great idea!)
What I am going to do is to put three prospects I followed up with – a referral prospect, an actual prospect and a tire kicker in my database.
And then I must get on to the big behemoth marketing project that in it’s enormity threatens to make me procrastinate so I do a poor job. Not. gonna. happen.
But I think the best part about this entire post is I am ENGAGED in my work. Haven’t been like this in four years. We’re coming up on our 5th anniversary and frankly, it couldn’t be a better time.
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)Pilates
I started a pilates DVD today. Lots of ab work. Good, my abs need work. Baby’s asleep – I emailed my SIL, took a shower, am back online, will go read shortly. But I did a baaaad thing. Ate an entire bag (a big one) of twizzlers at lunch. Yeah. Gotta stop that.
So I find myself clenching my teeth all the time now. Excema. My low level stress is back. So I’m off the computer and off to relax.
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)Florida-bound
We’re headed to our old happy haunting grounds, South Florida, in early February. I can’t wait! Sunshine, warm breezes and good friends. I have no obligations beyond that. The baby is down for a nap. We had a fun lunch with mom friend E. and her son. Then we went to a local boutique, Grace, which had my long 3/4 length leather gloves. It was a lovely day. Sun is out, it’s mid 40s, I felt chic in my leather coat. But lately this week I’ve been feeling, well, rather PMS-y. And today I have ovulatory cramps. Yeah, I swear it. But if it were ovulation I’d feel happy and on top of the world (which I do, but not recently). It’s screwy.
It’s weird, to think of my fertility without thinking of my fertility. If that makes sense. To separate my cycles from my experiences (which were negative). How will it be when it does come back? to acknowledge that NOW I could have another baby. I wonder if my situation is normalized (I don’t think so I have other immune system signs). I wish I were not 38 or my doc could reassure me that 40 is an OK time to consider having another baby. Do I want another baby?
Oh it’s all so worrisome, and that’s the last thing I need. Look, today, I had a great lunch with mom friend, went shopping at a nice boutique and am enjoying quiet time at home while the baby naps. I’d say that’s all I need to worry about. Oh, and maybe take something out for dinner. Off to go sort my mail and ogle some new patterns I bought.
Filed under Everyday Life | Comment (0)