Puppy cam

shiba-inu-puppy-cam

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/shiba-inu-puppy-cam

I found this on another sewists’ blog. And the funny part is, I log on, and they’re not moving – well they are, but they are all sleeping, and all I can see is them breathing! Occasionally, they move around a bit, but they’re sleeping right now.

client frustrations

We have a new client that I had an inkling might be a problem. And she is. So I’m really trying to remain calm – my replies were professional and pleasant, and I closed with Happy Thanksgiving. Hubs is really pissed at me for even responding on thanksgiving, let alone that I’d offer to go in, write said client a refund check on a holiday. But I have responsibilities, and it’s far, far better to respond to the client now than wait four days, let it stew and probably get worse. You know how people are with perceptions of things.

If this client truly doesn’t want to work with us, it’ll all settle out next week, and it won’t be any loss on our part (a few hours of time invested).

But I think I’m diplomatic enough that it will work – but if the client feels badly about the attitude delivered to me, then they will back out no matter what. C’est la vie!

In laws are here. Stress with work is high. It’s challenging. I am going to take time for myself tomorrow and perhaps do a bit of holiday shopping for others (and myself). I need to get out by myself. Plus, I plan to sew a bit too, so that’s a stress reliever.

I’m feeling penned in today. I just want to run, get out, be less frustrated. And here I am with a broken toe. On that note, I found the %$#@@!! flashlight in the cabinet, upright again. So to my word, I took it out. It is hidden. If hubby needs it, I’ll get it and then rehide it in a new spot. It will be inconvenient, but every time he says that I’ll remind him how inconvenient it was for me to be laid up for six weeks, too, and in pain, no less! He can be selfish like that.

But I know it’s my response to situations that are the issue, and if I can remain calm until I can get out tomorrow by myself, this will be a good thing.

The exercises

So why’d I do those fantasy exercises? To see that the grass may not be greener. And to understand that there are some green patches over here. First off, I DO get 2 months off a year. Granted, not contiguously (a month is pushing it). I do have a lot of creativity and helping others in my current life.

And as I read them again, I see new insights into what I was thinking. But I think for the moment, the status quo is fine. I need to get this life healthy before I start changing things.

that old feeling creeping back in again

I think I should have a category for this post, I do it so often. So my  holiday style newsletter features holiday preggo wear. My parenting magazine features a ’surprise’ pregnancy article (that bugs me, on so many levels, but at the same time it offers hope – the author is a 42-year old mother of six (five living). And her story of her son that died of pneumonia at age 1, after having a severe genetic disability, caused me to get up and do something else. The whole article – and seemingly the week – is conspiring against me.

Yes, I want more children. But in this current stress universe my NKs are probably at a high level, if not over the limit. And I really don’t want to be driving to Chicago every week in the winter (there is the train…but it’s not as convenient as I’d like.) Plus, the real kicker is it’s been almost 20 months and no period. So! Until that changes, it’s not likely we’ll conceive (yeah yeah, but I’m fertility challenged).

So my plan for the moment is to continue on nursing. And to get my stress level to a point where I think I could start six months of acupuncture (and yoga) and see if it’s possible that the NKs are under control. If they are not, then it’s time to reevaluate.

I just tried to put peanut back to bed (she wanted nothing of it – wouldn’t settle back down). So I took my shower (I was actually smelly today), and hubs chased me in here b/c she was almost settled back down. As I was getting ready, I had a shooting pain from my right shoulder, down my spine to my right hip. That’s never good. And I cancelled my chiro appt this week (and next) because of my workload!

There has to be a better solution.

I’ve got to get a handle on my stress

This morning as I’m talking to a client I am scratching my excema bloody. No kidding. Looked down to see blood on my hand! Aargh. I’ve got to get destressed, somehow. Not being able to exercise is part of it – but I can ride the bike this weekend (the shoe is hard soled).

I also need to vent. Right now, the stress is GOOD – we have a ton of (web) work, and more coming. I’m very glad about this. But it’s all on MY shoulders, and for that reason I am NOT glad. But I agreed to myself to take on these challenges with the understanding that this is a transformative year for me, and at the end of it, it’ll be better.

But I do have that SAHM fantasy from time to time. When I think of things that make me happy, it’s the babe, my doggie, fun with my hubby (and we need to just have some fun, it’s been work-work-work lately), and my hobbies. I’m not sure where this is going – there’s some internal conflict about this whole thing, so I’m just breathing into the conflict (midback, laterally from side to side) to see if it releases.

it’s beginning to look a lot like…

winter! Dammit! I mean, I’m glad, I love skiing. But the fall went SO FAST! Too fast.

My brother and his girlfriend are coming for Xmas. My mom and dad for more than a week. So we’re on a big push to get the place really cleaned up. On my desk are christmas shopping lists, and I’ve been working on UFOs in the sewing room to get those cleaned out.

what do I stand for?

I’m above all, a great mother to a miracle child.

I’m a devoted wife, who is genuinely friends with her husband.

I’m a loyal business partner and friend

I’m a partner with my clients in their business success.

I give 110% in everything I do

I am creative.

I am joyful AND grateful for the blessings in my life.

I enjoy the finer things in life without breaking the bank (I’m thrifty but stylish)

I love saying ‘yes’ and rising to new challenges.

I love bettering myself – I am not concerned with competition, only with myself

I can’t stay home…my job is too fun!

This week I’ve been at meetings. Yes, it’s busy (I have 9, count ‘em 9 of them). But it’s been so much fun! So I guess for the moment, being a SAHM is out of the question. I’d miss my job.

Which is good to say that I miss my job, I like my job. I miss my daughter, I love my daughter. But I think I’m doing a decent job of balance right now.

I’m tired, and I have a very early morning doing a roundtable speaking gig that starts before I’d normally be out of bed.

But I have fun pants – new ones from the catalog – they’re made from two wools (both gray heather, one is a tweed, the other a herringbone), and corduroy with some velvet applique and seam stitching. And I am debating on whether to wear the silver jacket (top of the list) with a red blouse, a leather jacket (second choice – I want to be edgy but not sure THAT edgy) with a red blouse. We’ll see. I’ll probably wear the leopard ballerina flats.

I want to be a bit counter culture on this one I guess

parenting class

Tonight’s lesson was pulling ourselves back in the moment when dealing with our kids. And adjusting expectations temporarilily to deal with that. And, further, meditation as a tool to help moms.

So my example was the climbing over the back of the couch to the fun ledge (which has the window, and the locks she can undo). Basically I should try to envision her standing on the couch, looking outside (at the dog, generally) but not climbing. And when she does, over and over, to not let the emotions get to a point where we can BOTH feel my exasperation, but to imagine that she’s standing there, quietly looking outside. Over time, she will feel this reduction in will, and together with some reminders of appropriate couch behavior, she’ll stop.

That’s the theory anyway!

What would your life look like if…

You decided to stay at home and be a SAHM

I would only do this if we had to move for G’s job though. I don’t think I could do it with his current salary. And I’m doing this at the end of a long and challenging weekend, so my thoughts are colored by that experience.

My day might look like this: Get up lateish, go do some mom-kid thing like story time or swim lessons or play at the park. Have lunch at home, have a nap (mama sews or cleans the house). Go back for playtime. At about 4pm, start fixing dinner. Have to develop some kid happy things to do while THAT happens.

My wardrobe would be: upscale mom – basically same as now, but fewer fancy heels. In fact, I’d probably never wear high heels again. boo. But my feet and back would thank me.

My salary would be: none, unless I combined this with launch handbag business for real, then I could support my sewing habit (maybe)

My work hours would be: Zero.

This fits in my value category of helping others: Only the one that really counts: Peanut.

This fits in my value category of being with my family by: I’d be home.

This fits my value category of creativity: Low. I’d be giving up all my creative outlets – except sewing, knitting and crafting.

My feeling about this scenario: semi accurate, I have a lot of friends and family who chose this option!

I could homeschool, which is appealing only slightly. But then once she went to school, honestly, what am I doing then? I’d be bored silly. I dislike housework generally. I get batty without a lot of volunteer work (which would probably take up my time). And I’d start a side business that would turn into something full time. Frankly I’ve built (and rebuilt) many businesses so far and I’m just not sure I want to start yet another venture.

I’m not sure a full time SAHM is my gig. I fantasize about part time work (I do work 35 hours a week now, but that doesn’t quite count), and that might be as close as I come. UNLESS G. gets a job out of state, and then all bets are off, and I could certainly choose this life in that case. But how would I do, leaving my work, my worklife, my career?