Counting down the days…

Six days until we leave for Florida! Wheee! I need a break. We ALL need a break. Eyrin needs a chance to be 100% mama centric for a week. It should be fun. We plan to buy sand toys at the drugstore (some cheapie ones) for the beach, and we’ll make do with the Ergo for the two days that we’ll be bedless at naptime.

We’ll do our best to make it a relaxing, comfortable time for her, being that anything new = stress for a little one. she’ll have a chance to be barefoot and nearly naked in a diaper and onesie, or a swim diaper. She’ll love it!

Mama hasn’t finalized what my plans are, but I’m sure they’re whatever E’s plans are (plus the massage that hubs suggested I do, as a valentine’s gift).

hubby thinks my Lenten sacrifice should be…

giving up stress.

He says he’s not Catholic, ergo, he does not need to give up anything for Lent. Since when is Lent a Catholic holiday only?

It’s actually not, but according to Wikipedia, it’s optional for Protestants. Optional. Well.

Anyway, it’s not optional for Catholics. So I either give up or do something worthwhile for others. Why not both? I’ll ponder that overnight and let you know in the morning.

Right at the moment, it’s late, everyone else is in bed, and I’m up. I got an e-mail from a good, new client who, I know, is not entirely happy with our design set. I know this because I am not happy with it, myself.

And I had a small tussle with one of our partners today. I thought we’d all agreed at our meeting in January that they were going to learn a few things about the web side of the world, so they can both be empowered to help our clients, and help move things forward for the company. But when I asked one of them to try editing a new client’s site she said she didn’t really want to. I asked again and she said, no she really didn’t. I insisted, and she did, but it was a tense moment, with our new employee present for the exchange.

Maybe I was catching them against deadlines (I’m sure of it) but I thought we had an agreement that we would change things. I looked at myself, in the same situation, would I have said no? Not at all! In fact, I’d have dived right in. So maybe it’s a bad day.

Tomorrow is another day. I won’t be taking wednesday afternoon off after all. And I will have to deal with tomorrow, when tomorrow comes. I have a new/old client (new guy, time for a fresh start, old client. I hope they go for new, not status quo) meeting. I have to be sharp, professional and on my game. Then I have to be on my design game too. It’s time to step it up a notch. We rise to the occasion.

And I know I’m ovulating. I was hoping to roll the dice tonight, you know, because, I have no other stress to worry about right now. I can tell. The pressure in my lower abdomen is very intense, it feels like a set of big follicles. But hubs is tired, and in bed, and I’m tired, but wired and awake.  So maybe it’s not the right time to roll that dice. I want to belive that it’s possible again, and even possible to make it as normal as possible. Today I envisioned, for the first time since 2004, what normal could be. And it didn’t scare me, I even thought driving to chicago every week now, wouldn’t be so bad.

But it’s not meant to be, at least not at this time. Before I turn in, I needed to vent all of this, to get it out there so I don’t have to take it to bed.

I think hubby is right, I should give up stress for Lent.

an old link friend

Years ago I stumbled across Soule Mama, (thrifting crafting mama) and a friend, in the baby furniture biz, sent me the link again and reminded me. The author/blogger is a woman after my own aspirations. A creative home, a creative life, hobbies, family, thrifting, children. Good photography.

But seeing it reminded me why I love crafting, and how important it is for me to introduce Eyrin to it. Not just put her in front of crayons but draw WITH her. Sing with her (which I do), dance with her (which I do all the time). Cook with her (she wasn’t fond of the gooey cookie dough!)

Lenten sacrifice

Today, we eat big jelly doughnuts (where’d that come from? I never remember that as a kid!), tomorrow, we fast. Or at least sacrifice. When I was a kid, i gave up candy. Seemed simple enough. But I don’t think that giving up something like that works as an adult (considering I’ve been on the lowish carb thing for a while). I didn’t have a paczki today. I don’t plan to.

So what is my Lenten sacrifice? This morning as I was nursing the toddler I was thinking about what Lent really means. It’s the six weeks before Christ dies and is ressurrected on Easter. In the days prior to Jesus’ death, I’m sure that there was this crescendo of things – some of them were happy. He continued to minister, he was gaining a lot of buzz – much of it bad or at least threatening to the Roman rule and the Jewish church rule. But everything was propelling him inexorably toward his death. Did he know it? I’m sure the answer is somewhere and some theologian would tell me if they thought he knew or not.

So, as a modern-day slightly lapsed and rebellious Catholic, what do I do now? Where’s Lent fit in for me? What do I sacrifice this Lent?

I thought I’d give up shopping, but that may hurt others – the local retailers I’d buy from, for instance (I’ve been shopping my clients, and my local retailers in the area out of purpose). I thought I’d give up worry, but that never works. I thought I’d even give up posting about having more kids, but that just lets my emotional stuff stay bottled up for six weeks; this place is my vent-release.

But I think it has to be a true sacrifice. Something, that, when I think about it, I think, boy that would be HARD to do. And I think maybe it’s ‘no excuses’ – all the reasons I haven’t eaten as well as I should, or all the reasons I’ve not walked the dog, or done yoga or the strength bands, or pilates. That seems like it’s the most reasonable. It seems hard (walking the dog last night was freakin’ freezing!), but it has many benefits for me. It starts and continues me down this road of the 2009 Year of No Excuses.

I think of Lent as a time for reflection, too. What have I done this year that benefits others? And don’t just give lip service to things, but really done for others. Some would argue being a mother already qualifies me for this, but I think that’s a given – I’m a mama, that’s my job. My friends think I’m already doing too much, and that’s affecting my stress (so does my doc) so it has to be within confines of what I’m already doing.

I’ll have to think on it some more and post tomorrow about what my Lenten sacrifice will be. Let you know later!

A plan

I have to have plans. At least I used to. But I think I really need a plan.

• Carb-reduced diet.
• Yoga
• Exercise = cardio
• strength exercise
• acupuncture
• either daytime or nighttime weaning (at least 6-7 hours)
• Fish oil, folate, fenugreek and, help me, looking for another F, FUN, there you go! FUN! every day.
• Organic veggies & fruits

For the next six months. Then, after the moving/bike ride fanfare is done, just before I turn 40, I’ll go do the immune workup and pay my $$ to go see Dr. C. for a consult.

So, for now, for the next six months, I only have to worry about gettting healthy. That’s it.

saving money while nursing

The Motherwear Carnival of Breastfeeding is doing ‘ways to save money while breastfeeding’ this week, so I’ve been reading various bloggers’ humorous accounts of what they do and do not spend money on. By and large, they’re a thrifty bunch who, incidentally, like to shop for pretty clothes and things. But like most mamas, I wear nursing tops most of the week (not ALL, after all, at work today a silk blouse, open to my pump flanges, works just fine. The babe and I are at home tonight, and I’ll change when I get there). But I also sew, so I can have a wider nursing wardrobe. And I buy a lot on sale, too. Dresses are critical – there’s no good way to nurse in a dress unless it is a nursing dress. And dresses, with pretty sandals and jewelry, just work well for me. Even with tall fancy boots and a denim jacket, they work for me!

When I think of all the money I saved, it’s impressive. Formula, for two years, could be up to $4,000. That’s a LOT of nursing shirts. Or fabric. In fact, way more than I have actually.

But I do and can do a lot better on the food side of things. I don’t meal plan, and one of the bloggers suggested that we do that. She said her boobs were HUNGRY. Mine are too. Ravenous, in fact. I eat a lot! Hubs comes home last night “let’s take the dog to the park and have cereal for dinner”. WHAAT?? Cereal? I said E. and I were going out to dinner ourselves, then. So he made dinner: grilled cheese and soup. I made a big batch of fresh pasta so we’d have something to eat tonight. Some veggies, some sauce, it’ll work!

I have been adding an extra side of vegetables to my meals. How many brussels sprouts can you eat to add up to 500 calories. Probably 500 of them. Maybe not, maybe 50 of them. Still, I had 8. So that helps a little. We snack on nuts. I eat avocado. Anyway, back to meal planning, the trick there is you’ll use what you have and waste less. So we need to do better at that. I am forever throwing away cucumbers that have gone horribly wrong.

I do think we need to save more money. We do very, very well, on the whole, financially. But we have some leaky bucket areas that can be plugged. I won’t give up my secondhand and sewing shopping though. A girl’s gotta have her bling

my score is…

813

Eight hundred frickin’ thirteen! Yea baby! And that was with a ding for some open line of credit I didn’t even know I had (it’s paid up, but it’s open and that can sometimes hit you). So, lenders, line forms on the right. I’m a great credit risk. I pay my bills, I live frugally. I’m taking advantage of the best opportunity to buy a house (and rent my own) in a generation, maybe two. I wish they’d kept the housing stimulus thing in the plan, but I know it was a big number. And you have to have room for those bridges to nowhere, right?

I’m fairly well starving now, but the toddler will NOT go to bed. I tried for an HOUR. Yes, got her down to sleep, but she woke when I transferred her to bed. Tried to nurse her down again for another 10 min, didn’t work, I give up at an hour. So I don’t dare go in there to eat anything while she is still up. We are at our wits end. We don’t want her to cry it out, but we don’t know what else to do! She hates going to bed!

I had to remove my rings, they are too large and they are sliding all around the place. I’ve not really lost that much more weight, but the inches have come way off, almost 3″ in my hips since summer. I’m down to an XS in RTW and a S in sewing patterns. I need to eat but that’s not gonna happen tonight.

I would say that it would be fun to just eat ice cream and junk food, but what I really want is steamed brussels sprouts (no kidding! mmm, with smart balance and salt and pepper…yummy).

I should do yoga, but I took a break for a week to see if the back troubles would go away (they did, but that doesn’t mean I should stop yoga, I need to add the stretchy weight bands to build up strength in my upper back). I will do yoga this weekend.

And we do need to look for a house.

Gettin’ a new house

…Involves a lot of work. Right now we’re examining our credit reports and getting our scores. G’s is 795 but I think mine was higher – 805 or something. We’ll see how much higher mine is (gleefully rubbing hands together). Seriously, though, I’m deeply proud of our financial acumen around our household. We’ve worked our *sses off for 20 years. We save like misers, we invest, we pay down our mortgage to the last four years left, we have cars that are paid off. Yes, mine has some rust on it and the doors are saggy so they don’t work so well. Yes, I shop for E. and I mainly at secondhand stores, or sew my own clothes. But you know what? it’s worth it!

In six months or less we’ll have a new, much larger home. One to grow into, that fits us. AND the income from the rental. Which, in a few years, is going to be paid off. AND they will pass some sort of a tax credit to buy a house this year, and crazy low interest rates. We are taking advantage of a once-in-a-lifetime financial circumstance that we’re going to be reaping the rewards of for decades to come.

But it’s not like we got here by being lazy butts either. We both work incredibly hard, we pinch pennies til they squeak in protest. And we save them too The penny jar, this year, is going towards a nice dinner on our trip to Florida – using hotel points, the company’s money for G’s conference days, and a cheap airfare with toddler in lap one last time.

Like I said, we pinch pennies. We work hard, and it’s paying off with financial security, which, to me, feels like a warm, comforting feeliing. It’s been a long time since I felt like I was one step away from a bag lady.

Gratitude about it helps too. I’m deeply grateful for the blessings we have.  I open myself up for things – pennies in the street, free clothes from friends – in hopes that the universe also helps me see opportunities like this, and not be afraid to go after them. I take my lessons too, sometimes they are deeply painful, but I do accept them and learn from them.

Off to go work my butt off this afternoon.

I miss my baby!

I miss my peanut, who is at day care today. Though I think that I’d like her to begin sleeping in her own bed – and she should soon before we start moving/potty training and a host of other disruptions – I love cuddling with her all night, her little arms flung over me. She has to be touching me, either feet, or hands, or mouth on nipple.

And I miss her terribly today, as I’m at work having lunch, and she’s going down for her nap at day care. But it’ll be just four hours before I see her again, so that’s a good thing!

gratitude journal

Today I’m grateful for:

My beautiful toddler. As she was sitting in the bathtub playing ‘pour’ with her cups, I was marveling at her little head, her lips pursed in concentration as she carefully poured water from one cup to the other.

My husband. Yeah, we’ve had our ups and downs, but we’re still friends. I don’t generally want to bash him over the head most days.

My health.