Musings from France 2007

Musings from France (N.B. found this in my files, never posted it back in ‘07 but fun to read anyhow).

Interesting, too, I never posted in Paris, was too busy. It took quiet small-town life in the south of France to get the time to unwind.

25 oct

We are in Avignon — which I am finally able to spell correctly. The TGV was pretty cool. One hundred eighty five miles an hour, and it doesn’t even feel it. I”m enjoying a cup of decaffinee, while the baby sleeps. G. Went to the Esixt office and to a bike shop. So far we’ve hit all the cultural obligations – the Louvre, picasso, pompidou modern art centre, rodin and impressionist collection at the orsay. Here we took in an old fort and a monastery. Tonight, a cathedral. Tomorrow we’re on the road to Les Beaux, Orange and Pont du Gard.

I haven’t soaked up the experience as much as I’d like — it is trop froid and so café sitting outside is pretty tough. I have done some shopping, gotten by with what is bad, but passable Francais.

The women here are all pretty stylish. None are fat, it’s so odd to not see overweight people here. The rule seems to be if you’re not a teenager you have on wide leg menswear trousers, a warm coat, an obligatory scarf, ruana or cape. Sweatercoats abound, and the funny thing is I’ve typed that here before since my phone and pocket pc knew that word.

I almost bought a wrap in fleece with a ruffled raw edge hem, but did not. I will make one. In a teal microfleece, a curved hem wrap – looked to be single length of fleece.
Ballerinas are everywhere, and I have two pairs and one I need to retire. As are flat boots, which I also have.

So what am I learning on this trip? To savor. Everything. To consume less. The french apartement is tiny. Even if it was stacked to the twelve foot ceiling, all our stuff would not fit in here. And we live in luxurious surroundings by contrast. In fact what I’m taking away is that I really like my life. I will consume less. Sew more.

And spending time with baby 24/7 is fabulous. I couldn’t do it all the time, bills need to be paid, college needs to be saved for. But I need to do this one day or a half day per week.

27 oct, saturday

We went to le marche thismorning. It’s an indoor market, so I’m glad we went to the outdoor one on thursday on the other side of town. I also found the fabric store, and a knitting store. Bought yarn to make E a poncho. Or is that a ponchette? Anyway, I am pretending to be French.  Having fun. This PM we have a list of things to get: wine, to take home, beer, butter for tonight, dinner for two nights, lunch food, a souvenir or two, bonbons. It should take us all afternoon including a stop at a café, to sit outside. It is finally nice out, and promises to be warm, or at least warmer.

The baby is sleeping, taking a nice nap. She needs it but if she’s not up by two thirty, I’ll go wake the sleeping beauty. So, I was debating on a decaffiinee here in the apt, and I think I’ll go ahead. What the heck.

Also on this pm agenda, taking photos of some storefronts and lifestyle pics. That’s what this part of the trip is about. G. Is off climbing mt. Ventoux, and let me tell ya, it is a mountain. I plan to go see the parkview and check it out, but the other day in the haze and clouds it loomed overhead, misty and large in the distance. I said, you’re climbing that? He said yes, and I said ‘you’re nuts’. But lots of people do it.

Yesterday was hard – cold, rainy and driving with E in the carseat. Not fun. But today is a respite and we are enjoying it.

She snoozes. I wait. I’ll make coffee, that’ll get her up….

Le café is brewing. The day is beautiful and I can’t wait to get out.

As I put her down for her nap, my mind went back to pre-baby days. It FEELS different to me, pre baby and now. And not in just the birth way, but the old, dark, hard, slogging road versus the light, happy and bright one. I see that time in grays and blues and dark greens. I see now in yellow, orange and vivid pinks. It’s a complete mental shift.

So my ulcer, whatever that one that Dr.V. Said it was, is gone. Not because of the cream entirely, as it was on it’s way  to healing. Now if it flares up when I get home, I know it’s work. And I know, after this trip, that I must get a real, and permenant grip on my stress level. That may be yoga, it may be a shorter work week, it may be both. But it has to happen. I’m not entirely convinced that my conditions were not impacted by stress, though I hated to hear the ‘just relax’ admonition.

Café is ready. Baby is asleep. I’m in a provencale apartment. Life is good.

Sun 28
Went to arles this am but was overrated. I am glad we stayed where we did. Though I found that every town closes up kinda dingy with the metal shutters. Baby is sleeping. I am having a café.

We took a walk in the park along with the rest of avignon, enjoying the last of the autumn provincial sun. It was great to stroll kind of how we did in the touleries garden in paris.

We are sitting on our balcony enjoying wine. Baby is playing. Life is good. I keep saying that but if we were at home g. Would be on his computer and I would be trying to sew. The trip forces us to slow and savor.

The trick of it is we can recreate this at home. So we must at least try.

I thought I would be more prolific or more inspired. Well that is true about inspiration but after twelve days I am tired and glad to be heading home.

When I do I will be inspired to relax savor and sew burda fashions.

Crystal ball. found.

And I’m not liking what I see. I’ll post more about this later, next week. In the mean time, I’m up with insomnia.

Bricked smartphone

Sigh. My smartphone which first acted up a couple of weeks ago, is probably bricked. I want a new one, but I really was holding out for the unlocked iPhone. Sadly, that’s not going to happen, and I will end up with

Summer is finally here

91 degrees or something (a church animated bulletin board said 95 but I am not sure I think that’s accurate). It was spectacular! I love hot weather. Love it. Which is why I always loved Miami, and why I still miss it.

I’m putting off working on my personal financial statement for the office building loan refi, though we have to really get on that. I just feel right now that my finances are not quite where I want them – we’ve got all our cash tied up in the new house (but it is a brand new house, after all, and a nice one) and ergo, procrastination.

Besides it’s so much more fun to waste time on Facebook and SewingMamas.com.

Today is the second of a summer of Wednesday afternoons off with my peanut, and I tell you I looked forward to it all week. I was excited, driving to get her at noon. I tried to get her photos but the studio closes early on wednesday, which I forgot. So I’ll try again tomorrow at lunch. It’s been a good start to summer. A frugal start to summer, but a good one. Lots of picnics, which has been so simply joyful that I am glad we’re strapped for cash right now. We’re doing things that are much more simple – and ultimately more meaningful.

Besides, the world doesn’t revolve around new shoes. Really. Sorry to burst that bubble.  And shopping secondhand is fun, but even have curtailed that. I’ve only bought sewing stuff.

This entire week is about skirts and sundresses, to cope with the heat. But it’s in a way that I love – a simple 1960s-era shift dress and heels, with big dark sunglasses. When A/C was rare and women dressed for summer.

At the park today, when Peanut went down the slides, the friction and static would stand her hair on end, if briefly, as she rode down. So here’s my peanut, getting off the slide with a halo of spiky hairs sticking up. She had no idea why I was laughing every time she got to the bottom! It was such a simple summer pleasurable day today, I can’t even express how lovely it was. The only thing better would have been a cold beer by the kiddie pool, but I’ve committed to not drinking except on the weekend nights (and then only one per day) for my health.

Baby album

I’m working on my Peanut’s baby album before she gets too old!

I’m trying to record (and remember) what we did around which time, and so far it’s been pretty easy. This kid’s been well documented in photo and video! She’s down for a nap, we’re going to a wedding later, so it’s a good project – not too involved, but still productive. Doing this album at first seemed a lot of work, but it’s such a joy to go back through my baby’s babyhood and pick out my favorites. Today I’m doing Florida vacation photos from her first trip when she was 11 months old.

The day has improved – now sunny, warm and windy out. Perfect outdoor-reception weather! Our friend Dave is getting married again.

I wish I had a crystal ball

Yes, I know, so does everyone! Right now, our loan is stuck in appraising. We’ve sent all our money to our builder via the escrow firm. We need a loan. There is much nervousness right now. We think geo’s job is  safe (he’s a leading person in his dept, driver of cost saving and new-business-generating ideas, and he gets noticed by higher ups). But their company is facing a huge loss in business due to GM (dammit, auto industry!) and jobs will go. Lots of them. My business is busy, but profitability is hard to come by sometimes. I’m hustling my butt off the rest of this week on work. Doing a damn fine job of it, with a few breaks here and there for resting and recuperating.

I don’t want to think about the worst case scenario. The best case is coming. We close on our construction loan, we are frugal, and we continue to save money. Let me figure out ways I can positively deal with it – I can make us a personal budget. I can call the banker (done). I can get my personal financial statement done for the business loan (okay, okay, will do it tonight!)

I can help us save money by sewing living room curtains. Possibly bedroom ones, too. I had wanted blinds, but I think we can do with curtains.

I’m resisting selling maternity wear and baby things. just yet. On that front, I believe I could normalize my immune system. Not my blood clotting, that’s genetic. But my NKs? Possibly. I could try. I’ll get that book again and start eating and doing yoga. Then maybe we wouldn’t have to spend the extra $$. Even thinking about that makes me stressed, so just focus right now on what I can do, now, financially.

Almost as good as new

I’m feeling vastly better. This is the first day in a week I’ve felt fairly decently normal upon waking. The right ear is still plugged (and I’m still taking antibiotics, of course. But I am doing a lot better. I have on (just like yesterday) a nice looking, but comfortable outfit. I think looking nice makes me feel nicer. I have on a slender fitting CJP ruffle top, and easy linen pants from HotPatterns.

My plans for the day are pretty simple: work. Take a break. work some more. rest some more. I need to catch up and move a few projects forward. And I’m hoping to hear I’m H1N1 negative, though no news is good news.

But i have to think of how I’m taking care of myself – rest, vitamins, food and exercise. I walked to the house last night (locked up, they were already gone for the day) and it was a lot for my present condition. But I can walk the dog at lunch, even if we go slowly. I took my meds, but not vitamins (I haven’t eaten – not hungry at all yet). I’ll have a mid-morning smoothie and take them then.

Summer’s coming…

Next week, highs in the mid 80s all week. I can’t tell ya how I”m looking FORWARD to that weather! I’ll be breaking out ALL the sundresses and skirts for the week! Today’s cool and rainy, and un summer like.

I spent the last fifteen minutes linking my two airline miles accounts, as they are merging airlines together. So that gets me thinking about travel again. Maybe next summer to France again? for LeMans and perhaps the south of France again?  Peanut will be three. That’s a decent age for an event at a race track, and village life. Not for Paris sightseeing, but she’s already done that as a 7  month old!

I’m so glad summer is coming. I can’t say that enough. We’ve had a lovely cool and lush spring, but it’s time for some nice hot weather, to break out the sun hats and sleeveless dresses and go to the waterpark.

This afternoon, while still home recuperating (I slept for two hours in the late morning, something I still need to do as I’m on the mend), I took a half hour break to straighten up a bit and vaccum the living room (my ‘office’). I’m just about to put the laptop up out of harm’s toddler’s way, before daddy brings her home. I got an afternoon’s worth of work done, and that’s pretty decent. I’ll count that as a full day of work (I have worked a few hours yesterday too, but I’ll count that as time off).

Housecleaning is never high on my list, and even less so when the weather is nice and I’d rather be outside. But since it’s rainy maybe we’ll dust tonight or something.

We all moved on

Most of the infertile bloggers I read when I was going through my own stuff have resolved their situations now. Most have kids – some have had two successful pregnancies resulting in multiple kids now. It’s interesting, in that way, that we all eventually get there somehow.

But one blogger, Tertia (who wrote a book) faced the same questions I did after having her boy/girl twins about having another child. And she, like me, made up an elaborate spreadsheet about why/how to consider it again. She had two pregnancies with m/c’s after just letting things ‘go’ and not preventing pregnancy. That, too, would be my scenario. So, given my age, and my history, I think that precaution is best, and making a concerted effort is also best, if we are going to try.

G. agreed that we’d go see our Chicago doctor (Carolyn Coulam) in the fall, probably the weekend of the U2 concert that we are also going to, with old college friends. We have to stay over to a Monday anyway, and she’s just down the street. So, in a few weeks, I’ll call and make that appointment. It’s just a conversation (and probably some blood work following, for my immune status).

If we decide that the risk is too great/the costs are too high, we will make a decision. If we decide to go ahead, then we do. I have decided that I’d like to also see an acupunturist, and to do that, I really need to start soon. Not realistic given the current financial scenario (and I committed to my skin for a few months).

But right now, we are happy.

Went back to the old haunts

I popped over to A Little Pregnant today just to see how the fam was doing. And they’re doing fine. Julie’s still got that acerbic wit and amazing gift at writing. She’s moved on beyond her infertile days, but I hope she keeps up the blog, if for nothing else than reading the past archives gives other women fresh hope. There’s always a new crew behind us.

It was a reminder of the road we walked, our journey taking 3 years 8 months and 5 days (but who’s counting, really!) And where we (I) am now. Emotionally. I’m still stressed – work gets to me, runs me down and lets a nasty flu get in. So I’m taking it easy at home one more day before grabbing some work and trying to catch up a bit before next week.

It’s summer. It’s gorgeous. I’ll get outside, if only to sit and soak up some sunshine (because I don’t have energy to make it down the block with the dog, alas).

For the moment, I’m off the computer for now, and off to take a nap. I have a list of work and non-work projects that involve quiet activities while sitting (and that, alas, probably is NOT sewing). Knitting would work, though, it’s restful.

But the old haunts have been replaced by new blogs and new places to connect. Out with ya Fertile Thoughts, and in with ya Sewing Mamas. Nice change for sure. I don’t know what the future holds. I hope there is another baby (another pregnancy, another baby to nurse), but I am happy, right now.

Peanut is at day care to give me space and time to rest and her a chance to be around healthy people for 8 hours. So I’ll go off and do that rest thing now. It’s time.