I’m giving up difficult clients for Lent

That’s it. Anyone who even seems remotely challenging, I’m backing away. And that means at the proposal stage, too. I’ve got a prospect and a proposal that I think I’m not going to pursue. It’s not worth it. And I have SO many clients who are SO wonderful – as people, as clients – so why should I waste time with the ones who are contentious and irritable.

Hubby says I should not make rash decisions when I’ve had a bad day. But I want to. I want to rail against the world, make some rash decision and then just pack up and leave for a new life. I do. I wonder if this is the push I need, or if it’s just I’ve had a bad day and I need to chill out like hubby says I do. In four months (typed five, thought six) this baby will be born. And my life is about to change radically again, whether I make the choice or not.

But the choices are hard, and they affect many people, not just me. They would take me away from things I’ve done forever, it seems, and people I really like. But I just don’t want to go on like this. There are days I think that I can make it go, and then, like today, I see that it’s really ridiculous. I’m a puppet in a game I no longer want to play. Jail with the door open.

So what is it I want to do? Is it just this day? this client? the possibility of another one like this client? If i took them out of the equation would it be OK? I’m no longer sure any more of any direction. I know I’m not supposed to make decisions like this on a night like this after a day like this.  The posts like this are more numerous, and the ones where I love my job are less and less. Maybe I just need some time away (gonna get THAT this summer). It’s only four months away and I will be on leave for a little while. Able to see some perspective. It’s not just the clients it affects – my day care provider’s business, my kids’ college, my financial life, my obligations to my partners, to my bankers, to myself.

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