hollow heart – filling it with gibberish

I’ve started this blog as sort of an online journal. I won’t share this blog with anyone, but I need to get it off my chest as if I were.

I had a miscarriage 2 1/2 weeks ago. After much stress TTC, we finally got the bFP. I would have found out on my b-day (I knew) but I wanted to wait til the next day. I had the penny dream (found curved pennies with P written on them, got up, had lucid thought “pregnant pennies” in late sept). And then, on about Oct 20th, I started spotting, then bleeding, then finally, no heartbeat on 11/2 and the m/c started on 11/3.

I thought about suicide (pretty seriously too) the next week. It seemed so darn pointless. I really didn’t care what anyone else thought or did. They can deal with their own problems.

I’m better now but not great. I can’t muster energy to clean, or sew or creativity at work.

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