Terrible twos

I didn’t think I’d get to the point of exasperation this week, but I did. .And what’s more, I held my cool. I reached out to the crunchy mama group for some non-cry-it-out help, and didn’t do anything foolish like resort to it. She did have a few timeouts in a well-stocked crib (she played mainly with her mobile and aquarium).

She’s FINALLY napping (and to hell with 4pm, if she’s still sleeping, I’m letting her go on). I made myself decaf and am totally ignoring the dishwasher.

I had lunch today with a friend – an artist friend whom I love for not only her entrepreneurial enthusiasm and free spirit, but for the way she can move through life with a wisdom I would love to have. She doesn’t take herself too seriously. And, like me, she has a zillion things going on. She challenged me today when I said that I’m a great designer, and yet, I don’t do much design any more. I said ‘I should…” and she said “why? who’s to say you’re not a better something else, if you only do what you’re always good at?” I think I am a better marketer – but then I realized it’s the creativity that really sets me apart. And that’s what I miss most.

So, really why? And I realized that my handbag idea was great, until it became a business, and then I didn’t want any part of it. So I must get back to just sewing them for FUN and for ME. If I make a pattern (yes, because I have to), and post it, fine. But stop making this about a venture, and maybe I’ll have fun with it. So the babe needs a new diaper bag. I’d like a messenger bag. Voila! And then while I was wrestling a screaming toddler down to sleep (it involved our bed, where we snuggle every night, a lot of arm restraining and her pulling my nipple off to the side, both of us more or less laying on our backs. yeah. good mental image eh?) I thought about mixing some of the durable home dec with the more delicate formal fabrics and thought, I’ve never seen a messenger bag like that. Ding! ding, ding ding! Hello! Yes, Creativity with a capital C.

So this weekend, while I wait the arrival of the cape lining, I will draft the messenger bag (I will repost the fuller idea at the sewin’ blog, but this was about creativity…) I digress. Creativity, doing something that is not about shoulds –I should do the handbag patterns for sale. Why? I’m more into the open source idea than anything else.

I made coffee. It feels decadent. This moment, I guess, is all about recharging mama. I think I’ll go get a sketchpad and sketch that messenger bag!

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