Sew Paradise

If you’re like me, and you have two small kids 6 and under, work full time at a demanding job (C.E.O. of an 8-person marketing and web agency), have a bunch of extracurricular activities (foundations, boards of directorships, volunteer) and you also have more than a few hobbies, chances are Mother’s Day means relaxing.

Today we started our Mother’s Day with me getting to so so sorta sleep in while the kids bopped in and out asking “are you wake, mama?” (at least my youngest. My eldest, 6, knew better. She was downstairs watching their only 2 hours of cartoons on PBS a week.)

We generally lounged around in our living room til nearly noon, decided to have a smoothie snack and head out to get flowers at a local farm. This farmstand always grows seedlings of vegetable plants, flowers and hanging baskets, affordable. The whole thing is on the honor box system. Got ourselves some hanging baskets for just off our deck, lots of veggie starts for our garden.

My 6yo DD wanted to spend her Target gift card (from her birthday). She of course, wanted first several ridiculous things (more Barbies, which she occasionally plays with and has four already, a stuffed toy dog that moves) but we got her to purchase a LEAP tag book set about the solar system. And she got a game. But there was so much whining, I had to give myself a time out and go sit on a bench by the Target checkout. I checked facebook, where the entire universe was thanking their mothers, being grateful for their children and generally guilting me into appreciating even a pretty ungrateful child and her whining.

We then headed home to lunch, a lovely redux of last night’s pulled pork, cowboy beans and sweet potatoes. Yum! Hubs put our toddler to nap and I sewed.

Yes, SEWED! You heard that right! I had spent an hour on Saturday during Toddler Nap cutting out a Christine Jonson Swirl Skirt - maxi skirt with a deep swirl flounce hem – and a short tapered skirt. Both of these are ridiculously easy to sew. I made both, and puttered away on a Kwik Sew swimsuit I started a year ago.

Sewing. So delightful! I so rarely have had the energy lately, after my kids finally go to sleep (sometimes 945pm) to sew that it’s been languishing. And my sewing cabinet is under a pile of mending and UFOs that it’s been depressing. All of those items are going to the ‘hot bench’ in the basement – still active, but not cluttering up my table. I’ll have to go down and see them all to sew on a current project. They won’t be ignored, but they will not be on the cabinet, either.

We had a lovely dinner at home, kids went for a walk with dog and daddy. I took a hot bath. A hot bath! Yep, sewing AND a hot bath, in the same day! What is this, Mother’s Day?! Why, yes, yes it is!

And after kids went to bed, I went down and did an hour of pilates. Just because I needed to exercise at least. Now, to cap off the day, I’m making mashed sweet potatoes for an office potluck. You betcha, it never stops (and for the record, it’s twenty after 10 in the evening!)

So, what does Mother’s day mean to you? I love my children with all my being, and I still need to recapture a bit of myself yet. The night is still young, and hubby is still up watching a race. I’ll go join him.

Been a long time since I wore a shorter, tight skirt. Whoeee, this is hot. I could wear it to work on a power suit day. But it looks smokin with the rock and roll weekend hair and denim too.

Got myself a new ‘do…. rag. My creative director suggested a Buff for sports. The only thing I know about those is the early season of Survivor, the women wore them as headscarves, headbands, bandeau tops. I ordered two after wimping out on what sounded like a really fun free 5k run and yoga session at a local running/fitness store. I couldn’t figure out what to do with my head once I got inside for yoga. It was important to me to not show my balding patches in public. And especially this particular public space.

So I decided to take my CD’s advice and look at Buffs. I ordered a magenta one and a gray and black one with bike sprockets on it. They are a slightly sheer, lightweight, completely seamless (no hems even) tube of knit fabric. They give 12 creative ways to wear them and right now I have it on as a hat style head scarf. It’s very comfortable and my hair (what I have left) can hang out the bottom of it in the back.

I will wear it under my bike helmet, run in it and of course, do yoga in it. I’ll also wear it sailing or around the house when not wearing my wig, no fear that someone coming to the door sees how bad my head looks now.

The long story is, unless this restrictive immunocalming diet begins to work, I will look like Gollom from the Lord of the Rings series pretty soon. But it’s not just diet – it’s products. Shampoo, soaps, all of these have to be eradicated of my highly reactive elements too. Sunscreen, same thing. Argh!  It’s proving difficult but you know, I have no choice but to do this, and just think of how amazing it will be when I do figure it all out!

At least I can feel confident to go to yoga with the Buff. I’m bound and determined to kick this thing to the curb, and I’m not a pansy, I’m a tough cookie with confidence. But I might just need a few more tools in my arsenal, like this, to get through this with dignity!

Today I have on my LBD. I have not worn it since 2006. It is a maxi length, column dress with a front slit and u neckline. And I have on a silk belt made from a line green necktie, a boucle jacket in white and teal and espadrilles. Summery, chic and still upscale. Wear your LBD!  Dress it down with flat sandals and a denim jacket, or for work as I have done.

Last week I went shopping for a wig. And this afternoon, I bought one (two, actually). My hair loss had gotten pretty bad – so bad that some (not family) people I know and trust told me that I wasn’t really doing a good job of the combovers anymore. I didn’t want clients to think I was sick (other than this random hacking cough that has lingered for three weeks, that I suspect is a cold.)

So today I got two wigs. One is my Weekend Wig. Indeed. Long, espresso brown, with wavy bits on the ends. It’s lustrous. My daughter loves it. I also got a Workweek Wig – close to my current/recent hairstyle, length and color. Clients will think I’ve gone and got my hair done.

Yes, wigs are itchy. I expect if you have no hair that you’ll need a net underneath, but I’m just wearing it over my hair. But it looks so freakin’ good. This weekend wig is rock-n-roll awesome. It’s also slightly suburban hottie awesome too.  I’ll post up some photos (leather jacket and tee and with my usual preppy style, you decide if you agree with me.)

But I will tell you what is wonderful about a wig: consistent 100% awesome hair. Every. single. day. And right now, that’s just what I need.

The best experience was at this local wig shop. The women who work there (Elegante Studio in Lansing, in Frandor for the locals) are awesome. They helped me have fun with this experience, and I have to admit, the other ladies there trying on wigs today were having just as much fun as I was!

I brought my family. My hubby sat with my son and an iPad to keep mayhem at bay. Or at least watching Curious George. My daughter came with me to the salon chairs to try on wigs. And she loves the weekend wig.

So, am I scarred by the experience of losing my hair? Not that much, after all. Yes, I’ll still run with my real hair (under a running cap), bike with my real hair (under a helmet), and sail with my real hair under a sun hat. But I love mommy’s new hair, as my children call it.

They were awesome, the kids. Eyrin wanted to put on one of her wigs (she has two) and try mine on (I promised once on Sunday.) They really didn’t mind, they see me as I really am to them – and I am not the best mother to them on many occasions – and they love me for just who I am.

If I can just hold onto that, how they were today, this whole life will be better.

Sisters who have had or are facing cancer, I know just a tiny bit what you felt today, minus the fear that I might die. I have an immune condition called alopecia areata. My body is attacking my hair follicles. I have random bald patches that are becoming numerous and growing together into large patches of missing hair. My hair volume is down about 75% in two and a half years. And today I shopped for a wig.

Let me tell you what that entailed:
Me: I don’t belong here (as I pull up to the wig studio.) I can’t believe I am going in here. What the f $#! is wrong with me? (Denying reality for certain.)

And a lovely younger woman helped me as I came in. I can’t tell you what that meant. No offense to my senior ladies, but I don’t need a grandma fitting me for a wig when I already feel pretty devastated.  I think if I had cancer I would just be pissed off and the wig would be worn out of defiance. But this? I just feel less of me. And though I have been trying hard, no amount of shopping or shoes or vacations is going to make me feel better about this.

I don’t know if or when my hair will grow back. And otherwise, I’m healthy – I eat a 100% whole-foods diet, I don’t eat anything that comes in a package or a box (or any container, as they all seem to contain soy and I can’t have soy, or dairy or a bunch of other things like peaches and cherries.) I run, I bike, I swim, I sail, I do yoga. I’m seeing a registered dietician and specialist for an immunocalming diet, too.

But today, I shopped for that wig. And the sad part is, when I had it on, it looked awesome! And when I took it off, it was so depressing to see what my hair looks like now. It’s happened fast – in the last 4 weeks it’s accelerated dramatically.

Things you think you’d never have to consider: synthetic or real hair. First off, I like the idea of a synthetic wig. No bad hair days ever. Put it on and go. It stays styled. But synthetic wigs, I’m told, can melt or singe if you open a 350 degree oven or your steaming dishwasher or, as the gal at the wig store helpfully suggested “might as well give up laundry too, a hot dryer will do it”.  I could take it off at home, I suppose. I might forget. And they are very expensive. $275 typically. I didn’t look at the human hair ones (all of you Locks of Love ladies, thanks!) but those, as the gal at the store pointed out, will require styling and will respond to humidity the same way your real hair does. I got to sit in a nice chair at a counter not unlike a salon, and try on wigs. As she brushed one particular style out, I loved the copper and blonde streaks in the dark chocolate base – like what I’ve been doing for the past few years with my own real hair. She smiled, it did look great on me. So we wrote down styles on card and I’ll go back this week and try on some more. I will invite my husband for the last showing before I plunk down several hundred for hair. Beautiful hair.

I know I will get used to this. And maybe have fun with it. I decided that since they’re having a BOGO sale, I might get a long one and a short one. Drive my clients nuts: wait, didn’t you have short hair last week? Ha! I will be honest about this. I’m not sick. And when I see a problem I solve it from all angles. Immune system testing, check. Immunocalming diet, check, yoga, check, stress reduction (giving up all but the essentials) check.

One funny thought did cross my mind. When I was pregnant my hair grew in long, lustrous and gorgeous. And my immune system was kept in check by visits to my reproductive immunologist in Chicago and the miracle of intravenous immunoglobulin infusions. Why not do that one again?

But quickly I realize that’s a bad idea. Besides, I like where my life is right now except for this immune system wonkiness. And the risks I carry are too great for both of us (all of us) to take that chance. But oooh, it’s tempting. I mean my hair was gorgeous, flat out gorgeous. Even in my 20s, with waist-length blonde hair, I never had hair as when I was pregnant.

I think what you leave behind when something like this happens is any false sense of security you might have had over long hair or that your hair was one of your most beautiful assets. YOU are your most beautiful asset. Your mind, your zest for life, your will to conquer whatever is in your path. You.

The cutest pair of red ballet flats entered my wardrobe a few weeks ago. But these are no ordinary flats.  I was walking by Grace boutique in Old Town (arts district where my office is located in our capitol city of Lansing) with my deli sack lunch in hand. In the window, a cute pair of ballet flats (in green) caught my eye. Grace has timeless and yet modern lovelies for every occasion – from work to social to casual – things you can buy, love and keep forever and always look stylish. These ballet flats were all over the store – in various colors with various decorative elements – jewels, flowers, bows – on the toes.

Here’s the kicker:  they look like expensive glossy patent leather. But they’re rubber! And these are no Crocs, ladies, oh no, they are substantial shoes that feel delightful and look amazing. Crocs don’t look like shoes I could wear to the office as the C.E.O. of a marketing/web/design agency. But these do!

And lo, see above: pinstripe pants, vintage Etienne Aigner trench: work shoes!

And yet, they are also shoes I can wear to the park on a slightly muddy spring day with my kids to fly kites and push wee ones on swings. And if they came in girl sizes, I’d have bought my daughter a pair straight away.

So I wore them to work (and out to the park) on one of our first nice days of spring this week. I wore them with a cobalt blue long sleeve georgette tee, a navy and cream striped blazer and slim black pants. Very tres chic Parisian style.

Mama friends, these shoes are kid friendly. Spill on them, walk in the park, in a mud puddle, go ahead, have fun.

They’re the equivalent of good jeans, a trusty blazer that never lets you down, a go-to tee that never looks ratty. In fact, they’ll add to that outfit – and every other one you own – perfectly! And if you lack any quality keep-forever items like good jeans, a jacket, go-to tee or blouse, Summer (the owner) at Grace will set you up!

Tonight I was reading the Elements of Style Blog, on feedly, on my phone (I looooove Feedly!)  The blogger reviewed the book Lessons from Madame Chic, an author’s take on style secrets of French women. So I popped over to my library web site (all on my phone, though they are not mobile-friendly) and they did not have it. But when they don’t have it, there’s an icon to our interlibrary loan (called MEL CAT) next to it. And within 20 seconds, the book is requested. The library that has it is in the neighboring town to the west (well, past Lansing, anyway) so it should be here soon.

I know a tiny bit how French women live – I lived in one of their tiny (and these were expensive) apartments for a few weeks. There is NO WAY they have a lot of room for a lot of stuff like we do here. They live and style more simply because they have to. I was also a keen observer in Paris: every woman over the age of 15 wore a scarf (and lo, guess what, now we do here, too!), and women just seemed to have their own sense of style. Especially the old ladies. No frumpy sweat suits and tennies for the gray-hair set, no, these ladies were perfectly dressed and coiffed.

Now in my closet (size of half of the apartment I stayed in Paris), I have probably 50 scarves. A dozen jackets (and that’s just the winter ones), two dozen pants (mixed seasons), a dozen blouses (mixed seasons). FIVE drawers of sweaters or knit tops. And a whole shelf full of sweaters. I feel gluttonous!

And yes, it gives me variety but it doesn’t make me any more stylish for having all of that.

So what does a Parisian woman wear on Saturdays to take her daughter to ballet, both her children to the library and fix peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (on fancy bread!)? I think she wears a skirt, (with leggings, it’s unbelievably March again in April!) a turtleneck, a jacket and a scarf. Or maybe a print blouse, a print sweater, skinny jeans and a jacket with ballet flats (and a scarf!)

But the best part about the whole thing? I don’t need to own this book. Or store it on my bookshelves. It’s on it’s way, and I can keep at least one more tiny vestige of “I could move to Paris and live in a tiny apartment” dream alive for doing so.

I am nearly eight months into this project. Granted I put it on hold for a while… but this couture jacket is taking forever. And I’m glad!  In my workday, as Chief Executive Officer of a rapidly growing marketing, design and web agency, I deal with project, plans, numbers, code, and words all day long. Some days I do practice my craft (and my education) of graphic design.  Mainly, strategy rules my world. I live (and love) data. But here, in my kitchen, after my kids are in bed, with a cup of decaf coffee, I sew.

And right now the slow hand-quilted sewing of a couture jacket is just what I need. It’s not fast paced like my work. It requires concentration. And this is the first of fourteen pattern pieces that will eventually become a beautiful bespoke jacket. I started with a big piece, too. Get the two big pieces (this is the back right side) and the little ones will seem fast!

You can’t see it but there are very fine pink silk basting threads running up the center of this jacket so far. I figured I’d better be able to see them in person to remove them later. I’m so happy I’ve started this hand-sewing process!